Well where to start? I have been a bit busy, no time for my entries lately, but I guess I have some sort of Thankful Anyway to share.
Given, I have never given birth or raised a child in the US, but this whole experience is another shiny glimpse into British culture that many Americans would never have. So far I have been a tourist, a student, a wife and a worker in the UK. All of these experiences have been exciting and life changing but I think the most interesting (and the most scary) will be being a parent in the UK.
As England is a developed, industrialized, Western society like the US (can you tell I am reading a cultural anthropology book?) you would think that there wouldn't be too many differences, and I am sure there are not (however I have learned that just because we speak the same language doesn't mean we are the same culturally at all.) However, one difference between the US and the UK is the Community Health Visitor and NHS midwives that come to your home after you have returned home from the hospital.
As a new parent without any family close by, it was great to have the midwives and health visitors come around to check up on me and the Sprout. The midwives weighed and fussed over Nathan and helped me with the breast feeding, while the health visitor helps me with parenting. After about a week at home I was discharged by the midwives and now only see the health visitor.
Once a week my chipper health visitor comes to my door with her nifty portable scale in hand and greets me with a serious "how are you feeling in yourself?" followed by "is the breast feeding going ok?" She then comes in and we talk about things. Her main objective seems to be that I bring up the child in a manner suitable to the British collective (I have been told not to tell her I am co-sleeping with the Sprout.as this is against the advice I was given to scare me into thinking my child would die of SIDS if I did.)
The visits have been all fine and dandy until this weeks where I encountered my first bit of Western parenting. The dreaded advice that will ensure my child become an independent individual amongst society. This advice was given in conjunction with my telling the health visitor that the Sprout hadn't been able to sleep the night before unless he was on Richard's or my chest and if I wasn't carrying him around, he had, what I saw as, an anxiety attack. This was the advice I was given...
- I must not let the child be held too often or he will not want to be put down, which is unrealistic as I have things to do.
Yes, I have things to do, such as cook, clean, do laundry, eat, write blog entries, etc (and let me tell you it stresses me out that I can't get around to doing them)...but I also have a year off, surely I have time to get these things done.
Other advice I was offered:
- The household doesn't revolve around the child, the child needs to incorporate himself into the household.
- The child needs to be able to entertain himself.
- I should bottle feed the breast milk at night to let my boobs replenish themselves as I am highly stressed out (I liked this bit of advice and will try this.)
So she isn't completely shocking to some of you, she did say at the end of the visit that I should do what is good for me. Try it, if I don't like it, I can try something else. (She also told me to not worry about cleaning the house and that I should accept all forms of help...lady across the street, I hope you really meant what you said.)
Her advice shocked me a little because the Sprout is a month old and already I am being told to give him independence. I recognize that what she was really telling me was that it was ok to "put the baby down so no one gets hurt."
Now the thankful anyway part.
I can't be too critical of the health visitor, she is giving me advice that has been approved by the NHS. She can't give me some new age parental techniques because if something bad happens, the NHS is responsible.
Most of all, I can't complain that I have a lady that will come to my house every week, if I need her to (I can see how this would be considered communist), for the next 5 years to give me parenting advice and to make sure I am "ok in myself." I know that in the US, no one comes to your house and if you don't have family around, you are left flailing your arms about like you were hailing a plane. You would also have to pay for any service to help you cope with this new found responsibility. Here you don't.
So though it is a little annoying that I am fed this prescribed advice about how the government thinks I should raise a productive member of society, I am thankful anyway that I have someone whose job it is to come into my home and make sure I am not going crazy and to answer all my silly parenting questions at no cost to me.
